Monthly Archives: June 2010

Ignore the man behind the curtain (NSFW Image for point)

from some post on how burlesque can save the world (and stop rape and misogyny too I assume)

The sex-positive rallying cry, at its most basic, is that our culture is profoundly sex-negative.  The evidence?  Abstinence education, the slut shaming of women, and overly religious values.  If you look at only these things, it becomes easy to prove and condemn the “sex negative” attitude of our culture, and outline the harms it does: increased amounts of unwanted pregnancy, the spread of STDs, the crushing of young women’s reputation and self-esteem.  But you know what else causes those things?  Rape and sexual harassment.  Mandatory intercourse.  Unsafe intercourse.  Pornography and the sexualization of young girls.  The fashion and beauty industeries.  Yet somehow, these are all ignored so that “sex-positives” can cry about abstinence education, despite the fact that STDs cannot be directly caused by ignorance–they are caused by intercourse and especially intercourse without a condom (which is demanded of most females).  The idea that education will solve this problems is laughable, just as the idea that education will stop men from raping is.  Men want to rape and men like dangerous fucks.

While related, that was a tangent on a single problem with the “sex-positive” approach.  Lets look at the evidence in our culture and see how “sex negative” most things are.  The simple act of looking at a magazine rack, however, will prove the situation is more complex than it seems.  Maxim.  Playboy.  Cosmo.  Celebrity magazines.  What do all of these focus on?  Looking at and talking about women men would like to fuck, becoming the women men want to fuck, how to fuck (for women), how to get a woman to fuck (for men), who’s fucking who, what to wear when you fuck, when to fuck, how often to fuck to not be a prude but not be a slut (for women), and so on and so forth.  You could not honestly tell me that sexuality is taboo in America.  It would be just as ridiculous as saying rape is taboo, that racist jokes are taboo, or that drinking is taboo.  Whenever someone says that our culture is anti-sex, I laugh.  In their face.

Is it publically condemned?  Of course it is, but again, only in certain ways.  I remember D.A.R.E. and the other stupid shit attempting to keep us out of drugs.   Yet, somehow, people do drugs anyway.  Tobacco and alcohol, along with illegal drugs, are widely consumed and glamorized.   To think that official programs advocating abstinence makes our culture sex-negative is just as ridiculous as saying the US is anti-alcohol and anti-drug.   As always, it’s only anti-badthings in the case that the nonwhite, nonrich, nonmen use them for their own benefit and pleasure.  Its ok for a woman to have sex, so long as its for a man and under his conditions, whether those are marriage, kinks, or anal.  Just as with drugs, sex is a billion dollar industry with a lobby.  The only difference is that the advertising for the sex industry (porn) is also one of its products, making it self-perpetuating.

Maintaining the belief that America is sex-negative, however, is vital for “sex-positives” to have a point.  It obscures the real power and the real system, under which hetero sex is mandatory, enjoyable or not; women’s submission is mandatory, willing or not.   The politicians who condemn prostitution use and abuse escorts; the anti-gay crusaders have sex with men; the Church which condemns lust while molesting children and protecting their rapists.  Does that sound “anti-sex” or “prudish” to you?  To believe the words that come out of men’s mouths-that they are against “sexual liberation” as its taken place- is ridiculously fucking stupid.  Our culture is not anti-sex: it’s pro-fucking, pro-rape, and pro-misogyny.  “Feminist” porn is still status quo, lesbian porn is male-centered, and lesbian BDSM is even more so.   Our culture is only “prudish” about sex outside of how males conceive it. That is, without domination and submission, without hate, without intercourse or penetration, with emotion and mutual desire.

Get this shit outta my system

Lately, I’ve been depressed.  Not the sort I’m used to, that comes after recovering new memories or thinking about men and quickly turns into a healthy rage.  It’s not even like I had before, where I felt too hideous to go outside or forced myself into dieting/starving.  But a total “blah” feeling.   I can’t think of anything coinciding with the beginning of this mood change except me going off the pill.

Here’s a timeline of the past few weeks:

Week 1 off the pill (or when I would be on the placebos): Happier than I had been for quite a while.   With my withdrawal bleeding/artificial period came a swollen left nipple and a bump under it.  Lactated some from that boob for the first time ever.

Week 2: Nipple problem went away right after my period ended.  Discharge and my wetness/ejaculate is definitely different in texture, consistency and taste.  Mood goes up and down.  Told my nigel if this continues I might just go back on the pill, because I’m so sick of it.

Week 3: Total down.  Maybe felt happy once this week.  Haven’t wanted to play games, read blogs, or do anything.  I try and have sex in an attempt to feel normal or good.  Nigel notices I’m pushing myself into sex in the hopes I’ll enjoy it, return to normal or feel something.  (I did that a lot when we first started dating because I assumed that was all he wanted and I wanted him to stick around.)  Now he refuses to do anything with me for at least a few weeks, no matter what I say I want.  Which I think is honestly the best thing to do, but I hate that I’m so desperate to feel anything I’ll push myself into things.

Week 4 (now): Don’t want to see nigel, my parents, or anybody  (not even my pets).  Not reading any books or blogs, playing any games, enjoying music, or drawing much (even tho I just got my wacom tablet, ffs).  Can’t remember the last time I laughed, or what I last talked to nigel about.  Sleeping when not at work.  Seem to be getting worse.

I’m pissed off (well, “mildy irritated” is more accurate considering my mood problem now) about no one requiring drug companies to do studies on and explain/warn about the side effects of going OFF a certain medication.  Did anyone ever tell me that missing my cymbalta by a few  hours would render me nonfunctional for the rest of the day?  When I say “nonfunctional,” I dun mean emotionally like I am now-I mean I could not walk in a straight line.  Needless to say I wouldn’t be surprised if this WAS all the result of coming off the pill and no one talked about it.  (Semi-related: I would not be having these problems at all if I weren’t born female, because there would be no need/pressure for me to be on hormonal birth control.)

I’m fighting with myself now.   A very large part of me wants to try taking the pill every other day and seeing if my depression goes away or lightens, so that I can know its the pill.  But another part of me is scared shitless that’ll make my moods fuck up worse, not to mention I want to keep that shit out of my system permanently.

I really have no idea what to do.  I’m already on antidepressants for my PTSD-as much as you can take of the type I’m on (120mg a day of Cymbalta). I’m thiking about going to my shrink to try and change to different ones, but it’s quite likely changing antidepressants (and defs going off cymbalta) will fuck me up more.  I just want to be myself again.  Sorry for this pathetic excuse for a post, but not wanting to do anything means I don’t even want to write.

TL;DR: The pill is dangerous and I want to be off of it, but going off it seems to be making my life a living hell.  (Or something else is, but I have no idea what else it could be.) What the fuck should I do?  Will I just have to wait this out?

On doms, tops, partner’s of submissives, rapists, whatevs

The “feminist” analysis of BDSM is the main reason I became a radical feminist.  Women talking about how they love being spanked, etc, etc, but getting all defensive (i’m still FEMINIST GOSH SEX-POLICING) just got old.  Especially because I said the same thing-without the feminist part-when I was with glenn.  This was high school, what are supposed to be the best years of my life.  With him, I *liked* kinky stuff.

After he first raped me, I stayed with him for two a half years.  I repressed what he did and continued to have “consensual sex” with him.   I’d suggest kinky stuff, he’d suggest kinky stuff, if I was a little hesitant I might say so.  But I always did in the end.   He bragged to his friends I liked it.  I orgasmed a lot-so I liked it, right?  He loved me.  I loved him.  If you asked me about our sex?  I enjoyed it.  Really did, yes I’m sure.  Yeah, I’m just naturally submissive and a nympho.  Nothing makes you feel more desired than being someone’s sextoy.

It’s always about the woman’s desire.  What if SHE consents, what if she ASKS to be spanked, to be bound, to be “raped” in a roleplay, to dress up like a little girl.  Fine, whatever.  I know women can like those things.  I did myself.  We may disagree why they do (I say brainwashing AKA socialization, they say natural/choice), but I know women can like them.

But their partner, the man-what about him?  Like with the “sex worker” debates, the men are made invisible by the “sex-positives.”  For a couple to have “sex” like this, he’s has to do his part.  And he gets turned on by hitting you, tying you up, “fake” raping you, and pretending you’re a little girl.  For a woman to “choose” to be tied up and whipped, someone has to do the whipping. For you to fulfill your desire to be hurt, someone has to like hurting you.   You like being helpless and feeling like he could do whatever he wants to you, giving up any control.  He likes you being helpless, feeling like he could do anything to you, raping you, and he gets off on having total control.

Do I blame submissives and masochists, whether they’re men or women?  No, so long as they don’t act like BDSM is the most progressive sex ever,  avoid the whole “CHOICECHOICE” bullshit and acknowledge that abused women say use the same defenses.

Do I blame dominants, masters, tops, and sadists?   Hell yes.  They get off on pain– specifically, women’s pain.  That’s misogyny.  They have the mentality of a rapist and abuser.  They want control and your submission.

He might say he only likes it because you “consent” to it and like it.  But you can’t know that.  Considering how often men rape, and especially how often it occurs in relationships– enjoying control over you, even if it’s just “pretend,” is a huge red flag.   Kids don’t play pretend to imagine something they wouldn’t actually enjoy, or be someone they don’t like.   They argue to be the main character or the character with the strongest powers.  Most would probably WANT to be a superhero or have magical powers and shit.  The same applies to dominant men and what they “pretend” in the bedroom: if they don’t already have control, they want it.

Even if what he is saying is true, why would he like that you enjoy those things?  Why would he like you to enjoy being hurt and degraded?  The short answer is to make you a slut and other you, but I’ll elaborate on that more later.

PS: Never get on the pill.  Coming OFF of it is a trainwreck.  I had only a bit of nausea when I first started it, but now I’m having a shit ton of cramps, mood swings, boob soreness and bleeding like a hurricane.  Whatever the means.  Fuck.