Damned Generation

I seriously feel like my generation is going to be worse-meaning more misogynist- than the last.  I know, I know, everyone says that, but there are somethings I’ve considered that kinda make it different: 1) the people saying that are usually not in that generation 2) easily available internet pornography is what my age group grew up with.  No other age group has had that.  It fucked me up, it fucked my ex-friends up, and it’s fucking up everyone.  I saw this happen myself when I was in middleschool and highschool, but I don’t remember much of it thanks to being raped all throughout those years. (Probably because of all the porn my classmates watched.)

Here’s the back story: Today, I overheard one of the women in my class tell her friend about how there’s a “secret” porn-watching club on campus.  They buy chicken express and then go watch it at someone’s house.  The woman who hadn’t known about it was really confused, asking why they did that and how that wasn’t just a gay orgy.  The woman who started the conversation said she had no idea, that she guesses it’s just like any other movie club.

Now, the chat (FYI Mr. Prude is my lover).  Bolded some of the scary and most important shit.

[9:49:09 PM] mscitrus: like most of the girls i’ve seen who’ve talked about that stuff, iv’e heard them talk about it to other women..
[9:49:33 PM] mscitrus: and they just seem so confused but nervously accepting
[9:49:37 PM] mscitrus: i duuno if you’ve seen that
[9:50:03 PM] mrprude: honestly no
[9:50:09 PM] mrprude: most of the girls in my grade LOVE porn
[9:50:15 PM] mscitrus: right
[9:50:17 PM] mrprude: talk about the films they saw
[9:50:20 PM] mscitrus: ugh
[9:50:22 PM] mrprude: like they’ll be like
[9:50:33 PM] mrprude: i saw gangbang 14 this weekend!!!!!111
[9:50:37 PM] mscitrus: o_o;
[9:50:39 PM] mscitrus: oh god
[9:50:40 PM] mrprude: i know
[9:50:48 PM] mscitrus: it really is addicting
[9:50:56 PM] mrprude: one girl said she likes anal films
[9:51:10 PM] mrprude: cuz she likes to see the women in realistic looking pain

[9:51:11 PM] mscitrus: gangbang means you’re more “wanted” i think
[9:51:13 PM] mscitrus: wtf
[9:51:14 PM] mrprude: LOOKING
[9:51:21 PM] mscitrus: “CUZ ITS ACTING M I RITE”
[9:51:26 PM] mrprude: right
[9:51:33 PM] mrprude: she said the pain is the best part
[9:51:37 PM] mscitrus: oh my god
[9:51:40 PM] mrprude: guys were like YEAH
[9:51:41 PM] mscitrus: that’s so..sad
[9:51:43 PM] mscitrus: fuck
[9:52:05 PM] mrprude: and she said it helps her get out her aggression
[9:52:10 PM] mrprude: like a vent
[9:52:15 PM] mrprude: whats the on the screen i mean
[9:52:21 PM] mscitrus: actually raises aggressions in labratory settings..
[9:52:24 PM] mrprude: men were wayyyy worse
[9:52:28 PM] mscitrus: even if it’s “nonviolent”
[9:52:30 PM] mscitrus: like how?
[9:52:36 PM] mrprude: they were like i wish it was me in the film
[9:52:41 PM] mscitrus: oh my god
[9:52:48 PM] mrprude: “fucking all those dirty sluts
[9:52:52 PM] mscitrus: ugh
[9:52:57 PM] mrprude: Mr. Belmir had to tell them to stfu
[9:53:03 PM] mrprude: or they get suspended
[9:53:05 PM] mscitrus: and sexpox think that porn will liberate them
[9:53:12 PM] mscitrus: BELMIR FUCK YEAH (dance)

It’s fucking sad, but not new to me, since the most of the girls I knew used porn.  I used to be that girl.

While most radfems know about have “sex-positive” feminism shoved in their face, I don’t think many get to know what easily accessible pornography is doing to the average girl.  “Feminists” will say it’s all well and good, but they are a very small demographic compared to girls and women as a whole.  (And are disproportionately white and middle/upper class.)

From what many radfems have said about when they were girls, it seems like everything has changed so much.  I feel like I should post things like this because most radical feminists are far older than me-the youngest one I can think of is in her thirties, I think.  I’ll probably post a variety things I see or hear from my peers, to try and give radfems some idea of what’s going down among us whippersnappers.

Also: theme changed because, as much as love my kitty, white is fucking boring.  Will probably undergo more edits during the beginning of summer.


14 responses to “Damned Generation

  1. I agree that things have changed a lot. the internet really was a great catalyst behind “liberating” porn from the dirty old men and mainstreaming it. The net became widely available when I was in my mid tees, so I guess I fall into a kind of crossover generation – I can remember a time before porn was widely available. Back then, porn was really hard to come by, teen boys would pass around a few scarce softcore mags and that would be the extent of it. A lot of girls would go through their whole high school years without seeing any porn beyond catching glimpses of those mags on the shelves of newsagents. By the time I was finishing high school pretty much everyone had been exposed to hardcore on the net, but it was still pretty taboo. People certainly wouldn’t talk about it casually in mixed company. Porn use was still considered rather shameful. Oh, how things have changed. Most people at my work are in their mid to late twenties and every day I overhear porno talk, not quite as a bad as the example your nigel recounted, but getting pretty close.

    Also, agree that radfems tend to be older. I think it generally takes a few more years of thinking and experience for one’s feminism to become radicalized. You are well and truly ahead of the pack, ms citrus. I know berryblade is also pretty young. It’s really good to see younger rad fems about. For what it’s worth, I’m still a few years off hitting 30. No longer a whippersnapper though. lol.

  2. im old! 36! and i was in college, not the first time but the SECOND TIME when the internets were invented. it was so bizarre and newfangled. everyone was a little afraid of it, except the tech nerds. i remember the first instant message i got, it wasnt even “internet” it was my schools “intra-net” and some dood who worked in the library IMed me while i was doing some research. i felt really violated actually. and people didnt use to give out ANY personal info at all. now people are posting their fucking pictures, real names and addys, all over facebook and shit. its bizarre. oh, and i didnt even have a cell phone until after i graduated from college. before that, there were times when i didnt even have a landline, or cable television (and yes, that was all pre-internet too).

    anyhoo, the availability of porn 24-7 to anyone, of any age, is definitely new. the first time i saw porn i was probably 10 or so, and my sister and i went for a sleepover at a friends house, and the friend showed us some of her dads “boobie magazines.” i was actually traumatized from it, it was some extremely tame (by todays standards) lipstick lesbian stuff, with them posing over each other but not really doing anything. but it made me feel…awful. it really did. the 80s hair and makeup on nude female bodies would traumatize anyone, can you imagine that?? but i digress. i cant even imagine what it would have done to me, and how it would have felt in my body, to be exposed to hardcore shit when i was really young. it disturbs me very much that i know this is happening, and that if the girls react “negatively” to it, they will be considered “sex-negative” even though PIV isnt even fucking sex, and porn is so close to being rape its literally indistinguishable from it. you have to *assume* that consent was given, because you never see or hear any negotiations around consent, which happen in real life. or…they used to! damn, i dont even know what someone who grew up with this shit would do, in a real life sexual encounter. do they even negotiate consent anymore, at all?

    loretta (who is in her 50s i think) used to mention “gonzo” porn, and she would talk about how porn was getting more violent. i didnt even know what the fuck she was talking about, because “gonzo” is all i know porn to be. including gang-bangs, and mandaory anal. apparently, 20-30 years ago, “porn” was more like soft-core, erotic books, stills, etc. like the 80s lipstick lesbians that traumatized me as a 10-year old. but as an adult, “gonzo” to me was just “porn.” now, not only is “gonzo” not even considered extreme anymore, to anyone except VERY old people who remember pre-gonzo (haha sorry loretta) its available 24-7 with no age requirement, and its free, to boot.

    its very scary, msc. thanks for writing about it.

  3. @Miska

    Thanks for validating my feelings of things changing, I worry I’m just cynical at times. I just feel so isolated when I think about how I’ve been treated by men. I was raped/molested by four different men and harassed by dozens others, and that’s only from puberty up. The only men I’ve really known who haven’t raped me are my current lover and my dad, and they just so happen to be the only men I know who didn’t grow up with porn. All the male friends I made and spent significant time with assaulted me at one point or another. Considering that all of them watched porn regularly and grew up with it, its been pretty easy for me to put things together. Tho my “feminist” ex tried to tell me I was raped so many times because of BAD LUCK and not because the majority of men are rapists. Unsurprisingly, he raped me too, and the way he did it makes me suspect he watched porn more than he let on. (He knew I was against it totally.) It also helped that I’m a nerd and my hobby since I was a teen has been reading debates on the internets…so naturally because of the evasiveness/stupidity of mainstream feminism and the critiques of it from radfems, I ended up here.

    I always feel really old or cynical for my age group, so it kinda sucks being like this so early. Makes it hard to make friends, since everyone either watches porn or will defend it.

  4. @FCM

    I totally understand what you mean. I can’t remember where I first saw pornography (pop star album covers probably), but it was really traumatic for me too. I felt so bad, ugly, and disgusted. Gonzo is all I ever knew as well; they don’t even make the pretense of it being about sex anymore. It’s scary that many of the kids I knew already had and collected shit for their fetishes. Now it’s pretty much standard to go to a strip club or buy porn on your 18th. I wish I could describe the effect it had on me, but so much of the time I can’t find the words. The best way I can describe is by saying I had to be a slut, or at least some man’s personal slut. I had to be kinky, masochistic, have huge tits, wear heels, shave my vulva (OW), and always be willing to please.

    I think I first saw porn, like you’re talking about pre-gonzo, as stills and stuff, before 10. But once I hit 11 I started browsing the internet (I’m a nerd), looking for games and stuff. The first time saw a vulva was actually in a pornography advertisement and it freaked me out. I actually wanted to become a stripper (for the empowerment!!, not kidding unfortunately) before my current relationship. The way prostitution and stuff is described as empowering but sexxxy really made me want to do it. If you protest your boyfriends pornography, you’re called controlling, even abusive, and said to have “self-esteem problems.” (Jeez, wonder where those could come from. Definitely not from the porn!) I know myself and one other girl who have been “complimented” by being told we’d be hot if/ONCE we got implants.

    Yeah, the age requirement thing is ridiculous. Whenever I see one of those “DONT ENTER IF YOUR UNDER 18 ZOMG” warning pages I just roll my eyes. As we all know, it’s sooo difficult to lie on the internet.

  5. I have been playing head games with the women under 30 lately, trying to get that “deer in the headlights” look. I’m sneaky, lol. And will report back when I find something which penetrates their patriarchy-pleasing brainwash.

    OMG, I think I’m going to pull out the thing that even feminists on the intarwebs don’t want to contemplate. hee hee.

    “It isn’t possible to love someone as an equal when they they think of YOU” honey I’m looking right at YOU “as a” — what? What should I say? If I said “object” they wouldn’t get it, nix on “fuck toy” because the word needs to be fit for polite company, “accessory” would fly right by them, so what word precisely would they find most repellent and at the same time understand what the fuck I am getting at?

  6. What’s another word for “playing dress-up in a sexy porn costume to please your boyfriend”? One word, please, if possible.

    This post inspired me, btw, thank you.

  7. Or perhaps “servant”. You all can think of something, I know you can. Come on.

    • I’d say “doll” is perhaps the most appropriate? Or toy? I know my ex called me his fuckdoll and that’s how I’ve felt about men’s porn costume crap ever since. “His personal whore/slut/prositute” kinda like I put in my reply to FCM also fits how women are supposed to be with men regarding sex now, but might not be fit for “polite company.”

      And you’re welcome miss andrea.

  8. oh I like both of those, they are so close. I want something utterly repulsive though, enough to make even the most complacent brainwashed ninny cringe in horror. A word that is never used with positive connotations, ever. What’s a family-friendly version of “c***”? lol

    Anyway, I forgot to say good post or why I went off on a tangent. The post reminded me of something similar but even more terrifying. Your assumption is that the pattern of male behavior which you describe is predicated on porn — to a great extent I agree with that assessment, and yet, there’s still something missing. I probably can’t articulate it.

    Back before intarwebs became a mainstay, before 24/7 gonzo torture porn became regular ole sex, I was a small girl, very well developed for my age sexually. I literally couldn’t walk down the freaking street by myself without being afraid some asshole would once again pull his car over to the side of the road and get out of his car, trying to “chat me up”. The worst were the dudes WHO TRIED TO GET ME IN THEIR CAR. Of course you already know that “chat me up” often turned very quickly into aggressive and threatening behavior, when I resisted their efforts to respond in a manner considered appropriate for a patriarchy-pleasing nymphet. I was seriously terrified of being abducted off the street and raped by one of those bozos “out having a good time chatting up girls”, yet the world just kept acting as if I had absolutely no valid reason to be terrified by men. The world acted like men terrifying very young girls was NORMAL and of course there is no good reason to be scared of “normal”. That “scary-events-are-really-enjoyable” dichotomy alone made me crazy, on top of the very real fear of sexual assault. So part of my point is that the degree to which a female will be driven insane, is directly proportional to the amount of dichotomy already present. My second point is that male entitlement occurs without the presence of porn. Male aggression occurs without the presence of porn.

    Now for my conclusion: The porn just makes it all a thousand times worse and I can’t imagine how any little girl, sexually developed beyond her age, could even cope with the sexual aggression normalized by today’s standards — not without completely losing her mind and internalizing all the negative stereotypes as a Stockholm coping mechanism. I suspect that many young girls today are most likely driven completely mad by the brainwashing before they even have a chance to understand the dynamics. Regular de-programing tactics aren’t going to work on many of them, it’s too late for that.

  9. Another thing, and gee I’m just rambling all over the place. I think the only reason I didn’t slip over the edge into complete batshitinsane loony-tunes, was because I was never sexually attracted to men as most hetero girls are. That non-heterosexuality was the thing which allowed me the distance to see men for what they are, even despite the patriarchal conditioning which is literally everywhere. For a het girl, being sexually attracted to the bozos who terrify you just adds another layer of complications, rendering it even more difficult to recognize the lies within the social narrative.

    It also explains why more young lesbians today have greater difficulty identifying the lies than their predecessors — the dichotomy between the social narrative and reality is actually far worse today. Young women are now flooded with messages telling them that sexism is over, which is a particularly insidious message because it contains just enough reality to be believable. Years ago the message was that nobody experienced sexism, which was patently false and so women could easily identify the lie, if they were so inclined. Now the message is that “people” experienced sexism, but only in the past. It’s easier to get people to believe a lie, if they’re told a half-truth.

  10. Now for my conclusion: The porn just makes it all a thousand times worse and I can’t imagine how any little girl, sexually developed beyond her age, could even cope with the sexual aggression normalized by today’s standards — not without completely losing her mind and internalizing all the negative stereotypes as a Stockholm coping mechanism. I suspect that many young girls today are most likely driven completely mad by the brainwashing before they even have a chance to understand the dynamics.

    I agree with what you are saying, 100%. Growing up with porn has just magnified men’s (and boy’s) arrogance and aggression. I wasn’t trying to imply that their behaviours originate from porn, but that I think women are internalizing it to such a massive degree men brag and share about porn in public. I’m still undecided on whether their crap is nature or socialization that endlessly perpetuates itself. Internalizing stereotypes and Stockholm fit me down to the letter. I was all “yay porn yay sex IM NOT A MANHATERZOMG” until only a year ago. Along with that came starving myself, saving up for plastic surgery, being groped and otherwise felt up by all my friends, etc…It’s funny, cause at my school you could get in trouble for hugging, holding hands or kissing good bye in the halls, but NO ONE ever told the boys to stop groping the girls. Rape? Ok. Intimacy? Nope.

    I’m still amazed that I was able to come out of that sex-poz bullshit. I figure the only reason I did is because I remembered my experience with pornography and had a lifetime’s worth of shitty men before I hit 18, that I was able to see this “empowerment” crap for what it was. I’m afraid I would have never gotten this far if I my “nice feminist guy” ex hadn’t dumped me.

    I wasn’t falling for much of it when I was little, as I was a “tomboy” who wanted to be sexless (no breasts, no vulva). I kept up dressing male until I was first raped. I was able to dress the same, but I reached my breaking point with the third man (FTM ex) who raped me and became feminine. If this had something to do with me being attracted to guys from that point on, I wouldn’t be surprised. I’m not sure how many girls will be able to resist anymore, since they managed to break my stubbornness eventually.

    I didn’t think sexism really existed anymore either, because of the stupid shit we’re taught. And the few feminists who still exist give the sex industry a free pass or even praise it. The “sex-positive” crap doesn’t help at all.I think the best case scenario is after my peers hit their 30s/40s and stop being fuckable, their men ditching them for porn and younger women might cause them to do something. But then there’s botox and the fact that women refusing to let your nigel watch porn is considered “controlling,” so most women just put up with it. It’s depressing to be only 18 and feel like the world is doomed. I’m hoping its not and want to do *something*, but I have no idea of where to start.

  11. Gosh! Finally someone else in my age group who realises that porn is fucked up shit. And fucked up, and shit.

    “I seriously feel like my generation is going to be worse-meaning more misogynist- than the last. I know, I know, everyone says that, but there are somethings I’ve considered that kinda make it different: 1) the people saying that are usually not in that generation 2) easily available internet pornography is what my age group grew up with.”

    This, this, this times a hundred. Everyone (most womyn) in our generation thinks it’s so empowerfulisating and super sexxxy fun, but they don’t realise the repercussions it has. I’ve heard so many friends of mine complain about how their male partner is obsessed with anal sex and surprise surprise, what kind of porn are they obsessed with?

    People our age think that because womyn can wear pants and vote we are equal. No-one in our peer group has any concept of social structures, hierarchies and social conditioning. It’s just the way we are apparently. We are having one of the worst backlashes since, well, ever, because sadly this is as far as womyn have come.

    I dread for the girls younger than me.

  12. Oh Hi there

    I hope the rapists DIAF , but Femanons to me, make me rather think of girls like those protesting against Scientology.

    Sexy , Smart and funny

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