Monthly Archives: May 2010

“Agency” my arse…

In reading “sex-positive” arguments and even in my academic texts, I keep coming across these studies, arguments and articles discussing women’s “agency.”  One article in my sociology text was about “sex workers” who do whatever they can within the system to make it, and noted that we should not see these women solely as “victims of the system” but acknowledge their agency.

Did the article on the shitty schools of inner city kids tell us to acknowledge and celebrate what they do to survive?  Nope, it talked about how horrible the situation is and how we need to fix the institutions responsible for the mess.  The article on minimum wage laborers?  Nope, just talked about how fucked the working poor are because of the system.  But when it happens to women, people suggest we “celebrate agency” and not look solely at the situation as a whole or even focus on it.  I’m not entirely sure why this is happening−is it because they’re trying to counter the stereotype of women as helpless, or is it that our options are so limited and shaped by society it would force us to ditch completely the idea of “choice”?

Women have been surviving by whatever means necessary for eons.  That’s part of human nature: people in shitty situations will find ways to keep on truckin’.  No shit, Sherlock.  Moving on now….

This idiocy is everywhere, but it only “clicked” for me once I read a feministing thread about the new pill that will “fix” women’s libido by making them want sex again.  Predictably, feminists there are falling over themselves to defend the pharmaceutical industry calling women frigid. (Let’s ignore there’s no drug to “fix” men’s sexual desires.  Let’s also ignore that most men are terrible selfish assholes in bed, because that obviously has nothing to do with women not wanting sex.)

I’m really disapointed so many comments are negative towards this. I think this is fantastic! About time.

It makes me sad that as another commentator said – anytime someone tries to address women’s sexual issues people get all defensive and think it’s a ploy by the patriarchy. Hello women have their own agency? We’re not little children, we have minds of our own.

I feel like we’re being treated like children when I read most of these posts.

Because only children are influenced by society.  Only children make actions based on societal pressures.  The sentiment that goes unsaid, of course, is that if you give in to the social pressure, you’re weak.  Or at least, you’re childish and immature.  You have no mind of your own.  It’s not like they’re forcing you or making you take it.  You know, just like they don’t “make us” or “force us” to shave.

Newsflash: Anyone can be pressured into damn near anything.  Anyone.   Acting like women aren’t expected to conform to men’s pornified sexual desires is burying your head in the sand.  The worst thing about that commenter?  Other women had already talked about how they were treated as broken by men for not wanting sex.

But of course, agency always means making the choice to have sex.  If you make the choice not to have sex or intercourse, you’re a prude or have “issues” and “hangups” with sex.   You clearly can’t be choosing to not have sex.  How about we let women exercise their “agency” to be worried about a dangerous and greedy industry putting drugs into bodies to effect our sexuality?  Nah, we’ll just write you off as “defensive,” by which we mean paranoid and hysterical.  Not like advertising has been in the business of making up problems to fix unnecessary shit since the last century.

The discussions on agency shift the focus from women suffering male violence and control.  It’s talking about how women can react to rape, instead of talking about the rapist.  How we can succeed in patriarchal system, rather than how we can destroy it.  It makes men and the system invisible.  Not to mention it shames victims of violence and patriarchal conditioning.

Now, back to kicking misogynist ass in Persona 4.


My week has been shit, yet again.  I came to the realization that my most recent ex didn’t just “forget” my boundries; he didn’t “accidently” trigger me.  It seems small, but the difference between thinking david was just a careless asshole, and him purposely crossing my boundries to make the sex into rape— because thats what he got off on— is unspeakable.

As if that weren’t enough, my lover saw glenn looking for me in Latin Club. I haven’t peep from him for two years.  Why now?  If I run into him, will he start stalking me again?  Did he just want to fuck with me a little bit while he was in town, or did he come for the sole purpose of freaking me out?    I thought he had just found someone else to rape/stalk/creep out by now, but apparently I’m still a target.  I almost went to Latin Club that day.   The only reason I didn’t was because I couldn’t get a ride.    It was so fucking close.

Latin club was the one place I had friends who didn’t side with any of my rapists, where I could actually relax and have fun.  And now, it’s gone.  Whether or not he’s actually dangerous, as in he might hurt me again, I have no idea.  But I know that just seeing him would cause me to have a meltdown.   Best case scenario, I would just become more  numb and dysfunctional for a while, worst-case scenario, I would do everything in my power to kill him and beat the living shit out of him.  Although him dying is the best result to me, if I want to get anything done politically (which is still a consideration of mine), being a “crazy bitch” would permanently kill that possibility.

Fuck I am incoherent as all hell.  I feel useless and pretty guilty for trying to just relax and avoid anything  related to rape and abuse, which obviously limits my ability to read and write radical feminist shit.  So I’m replaying Persona 4, because it takes my mind off of reality and the characters (and the pairings of them I love) give me warm fuzzy feelings.

Damned Generation

I seriously feel like my generation is going to be worse-meaning more misogynist- than the last.  I know, I know, everyone says that, but there are somethings I’ve considered that kinda make it different: 1) the people saying that are usually not in that generation 2) easily available internet pornography is what my age group grew up with.  No other age group has had that.  It fucked me up, it fucked my ex-friends up, and it’s fucking up everyone.  I saw this happen myself when I was in middleschool and highschool, but I don’t remember much of it thanks to being raped all throughout those years. (Probably because of all the porn my classmates watched.)

Here’s the back story: Today, I overheard one of the women in my class tell her friend about how there’s a “secret” porn-watching club on campus.  They buy chicken express and then go watch it at someone’s house.  The woman who hadn’t known about it was really confused, asking why they did that and how that wasn’t just a gay orgy.  The woman who started the conversation said she had no idea, that she guesses it’s just like any other movie club.

Now, the chat (FYI Mr. Prude is my lover).  Bolded some of the scary and most important shit.

[9:49:09 PM] mscitrus: like most of the girls i’ve seen who’ve talked about that stuff, iv’e heard them talk about it to other women..
[9:49:33 PM] mscitrus: and they just seem so confused but nervously accepting
[9:49:37 PM] mscitrus: i duuno if you’ve seen that
[9:50:03 PM] mrprude: honestly no
[9:50:09 PM] mrprude: most of the girls in my grade LOVE porn
[9:50:15 PM] mscitrus: right
[9:50:17 PM] mrprude: talk about the films they saw
[9:50:20 PM] mscitrus: ugh
[9:50:22 PM] mrprude: like they’ll be like
[9:50:33 PM] mrprude: i saw gangbang 14 this weekend!!!!!111
[9:50:37 PM] mscitrus: o_o;
[9:50:39 PM] mscitrus: oh god
[9:50:40 PM] mrprude: i know
[9:50:48 PM] mscitrus: it really is addicting
[9:50:56 PM] mrprude: one girl said she likes anal films
[9:51:10 PM] mrprude: cuz she likes to see the women in realistic looking pain

[9:51:11 PM] mscitrus: gangbang means you’re more “wanted” i think
[9:51:13 PM] mscitrus: wtf
[9:51:14 PM] mrprude: LOOKING
[9:51:21 PM] mscitrus: “CUZ ITS ACTING M I RITE”
[9:51:26 PM] mrprude: right
[9:51:33 PM] mrprude: she said the pain is the best part
[9:51:37 PM] mscitrus: oh my god
[9:51:40 PM] mrprude: guys were like YEAH
[9:51:41 PM] mscitrus: that’s so..sad
[9:51:43 PM] mscitrus: fuck
[9:52:05 PM] mrprude: and she said it helps her get out her aggression
[9:52:10 PM] mrprude: like a vent
[9:52:15 PM] mrprude: whats the on the screen i mean
[9:52:21 PM] mscitrus: actually raises aggressions in labratory settings..
[9:52:24 PM] mrprude: men were wayyyy worse
[9:52:28 PM] mscitrus: even if it’s “nonviolent”
[9:52:30 PM] mscitrus: like how?
[9:52:36 PM] mrprude: they were like i wish it was me in the film
[9:52:41 PM] mscitrus: oh my god
[9:52:48 PM] mrprude: “fucking all those dirty sluts
[9:52:52 PM] mscitrus: ugh
[9:52:57 PM] mrprude: Mr. Belmir had to tell them to stfu
[9:53:03 PM] mrprude: or they get suspended
[9:53:05 PM] mscitrus: and sexpox think that porn will liberate them
[9:53:12 PM] mscitrus: BELMIR FUCK YEAH (dance)

It’s fucking sad, but not new to me, since the most of the girls I knew used porn.  I used to be that girl.

While most radfems know about have “sex-positive” feminism shoved in their face, I don’t think many get to know what easily accessible pornography is doing to the average girl.  “Feminists” will say it’s all well and good, but they are a very small demographic compared to girls and women as a whole.  (And are disproportionately white and middle/upper class.)

From what many radfems have said about when they were girls, it seems like everything has changed so much.  I feel like I should post things like this because most radical feminists are far older than me-the youngest one I can think of is in her thirties, I think.  I’ll probably post a variety things I see or hear from my peers, to try and give radfems some idea of what’s going down among us whippersnappers.

Also: theme changed because, as much as love my kitty, white is fucking boring.  Will probably undergo more edits during the beginning of summer.

I can’t believe I forgot this.

But I still wish I hadn’t remembered.  I really don’t know what to do about this.  I haven’t been this dissociated for so long.  I was having such a good week, why did this memory have to come now?

I can’t remember how it came up, no matter how hard I push or how much I want to.   I remember who was involved.   Glenn was, of course.  The record store owner who checked me out and made passes at me whenever I’d visit the store with glenn.  Did glenn offer the owner the pictures of me?  Or was it that the owner suggested he exchange them for albums and discounts?

I know glenn had showed at least one picture of me to a friend without asking, and this was before we had broken up and during a honeymoon phase of the abuse cycle.  So after I left him, what would he have done with them?  Everytime I thought about it, I kept thinking he was too cowardly to risk posting them on the internet, that he would be too afraid of getting in trouble for having child pornography.  But giving them to one guy isn’t that risky.   Hell, giving it to a few isn’t.  People do it all the time.  He probably told the owner the same thing he told his friends: I dumped him for some other man; that the bitch (me) had planned to leave him all along.

If he showed one friend, why not the others?  He had already told them all about how he fucked me.  How I liked being spanked, choked, degraded and dressed up in whatever pornified outfit he wished.  So they gave him “toys” to help him out.  Ropes and a paddle that had holes in it, so the air wouldn’t slow down the speed of his swing.  I remember them talking about how lucky he was to have a nympho for a girlfriend.  I was his slut, and he bragged about it.  Why wouldn’t he show off the pictures of me he took?

I know he was angry when I broke up with him.  He stalked me for weeks, so there’s no way I couldn’t notice that.  Would he do that, though?  Put them on the internet?   Would his friends put it on the internet, or put him up to it?

No one believed the sex was really rape.  In the pictures, I smiled for him, posed in whatever obscene position he wanted me in.  No one would think I was being abused.  I was fooling myself.  He would distribute them, at least to his friends.  Of course he would.  He probably had even before I left him.  He’d definitely share them if it got him his music cheaper.

How am I supposed to get through the day knowing this?  For all I know, some dude could be on an amateur porn site, wacking off to the pictures of me degrading myself right now, thinking about what a slut I am.  Glenn himself could still be getting off on the pictures.  His friends could be with him, laughing together and bonding over a female body on display as men always do.

I still feel like it’s my fault.  Most feminists would call it consensual.  I still remember a discussion on feministing, where a woman had reported a gang rape, and a video was later put on the internet.  The video “proved” it was consensual-not just to the cops, but to the “feminist” commenters.  It clearly wasn’t rape.  She was lying, they said, cause she didn’t want to look like a slut or get in trouble for cheating on her boyfriend.  My smiles would prove I consented.

I cried when I read those comments months ago, but somehow I can’t bring myself to cry now.  My thoughts are all disjointed and I can’t even write a coherent paragraph.  Or, at least, they’re more incoherent than usual.   Happy summer break for me.

Not that I advocate violence or anything…buuuuuut

South Africa strip club owner ‘Lolly’ Jackson shot dead

Fuck yeah.   I dunno who did it, although I’m pretty sure it wasn’t some radical feminist vigilante, but they still deserve some props for taking the guy out.  Made me quite happy, till I read one part of the article.

He has been sued by several former employees, including a Bulgarian woman who said Mr Jackson had confiscated her passport while she worked for him.

He said he kept foreign employees’ passports to stop them “running away with a rich farmer” or losing their documents.

Can you say TRAFFICKING?   For fucks sake, traffickers are known to take women’s papers in order to keep them under control and make them fear speaking to law enforcement, since they could be deported.   And it’s not like he’s just “alleged” to do this by one woman (and we all know women are lying bitches who make shit up all the time)-he fucking ADMITS it!  How the fuck was this man not in fucking jail, let alone a wealthy businessman.  Of course, the BBC fails to mention that this what TRAFFICKERS do.  You know, what they do when they are TRAFFICKING women.  Holy shit.  The fucking nerve.

Where the fuck were the “sex-positives” decrying his patronizing attitude? They call radical feminists “patronizing” all the goddamn time and then famous, big-name white dudes with actual power like this asshole aren’t decried?   How does that make any fucking sense?  You’d either have to 1) not give a rat’s ass about nonwhite and nonwestern women 2) be ignorant of the bad sides of the sex industry (tho they say they’re experts and radfems don’t know anything) or 3) only care about yourself.   Personally, from the “sex-positive” bullshit I’ve seen, I say it’s all three.

God, I was seeing red when I realized that.  Hopefully the women are able to get their papers back now that he’s dead.